Aisha Milton-Dorsey's Story

My name is Aisha Milton. I was born and raised in Selma, Alabama. I know who my father is but I don't really know him. My mother left me with my loving grandmother and aunt at age three. I learned at an early age my aunt hated my mom and despised my father. Because of that hate I was never going to become anything in her eyes. I remember many of her negative comments, "You gonna be just like your momma, you ugly, you stupid,"  just anything she could think of to say to me. My mother came to visit once maybe twice a year. Growing up my siblings and I spent summers with her. We took turns because she could never handle us all at once. I remember being with her felt like heaven. My life felt normal for about three months. I felt loved, but confused by the fact that I couldn't stay. I often asked the question, “why can't I stay?" As I got older I realized my mother's new boyfriend wasn't ready for a family and neither was she.

Acting Out

When I turned twelve I started acting up in school. You know, doing things like hanging out with boys, and not going home some days. My aunt had predicted that I would be pregnant or dead by age fourteen. She gave my mom an ultimatum, “come get her or she will be placed in a juvenile center." So, in 1991 I came to live in Boston with my mother. I learned quickly that she didn't know how to be a full time mom, so the same neglect I felt in Alabama was present in Boston. It was actually worse because the neglect and lack of love was from my own mom. It was not the same feeling I felt while visiting in the summer. After three months of living in the city I was doing the same things as I had done in Alabama. The difference was sex and drugs were now involved. My mom thought by beating me and coming to house parties to embarrass me would place me on the right path. She neglected the fact that her and my upbringing put me on this path in the first place. After only three months my mom was fed up! She turned to the court system for help.

No One Loves Me

I ended up in DSS (Dept. of social services) custody, but I ran away from most places. Some places had mice, some didn't feed me well, and others tried to beat me. I told myself I'd rather be homeless than endure the mistreatment, so I left. Being homeless, I did whatever it took to survive which ultimately landed me in DYS (Dept. of youth services). At age sixteen I went to a less secure program in Brockton, MA where I was able to reconnect with old friends. This is where I fell in love with a man I stayed with for seventeen years. He was the first man to tell me that I was smart, beautiful, sexy, and that he loved me. I stayed with him because he understood my dysfunction. He was the one person I knew I could trust. I could always count on him for a place to stay, even if that meant he had to hide me in the basement. I always knew that he would protect me. After a while he stopped saying nice things. Instead, he made sure to always throw my past in my face. He would remind me that no one else loved me, no one else cared. He knew exactly what to say to keep me with him. He kept watering the seed of fear that had been planted in my heart - no one loves me.  He used it for his convenience. There was never physical abuse but the relationship was never healthy because of the mental abuse, and it was killing me slowly.

A Wonderful Change

Despite my troubled life and an eighth-grade education, I was fortunate enough to always hold a good job. I now know that's what we call “Favor." In 2009 I lost my job. While unemployed, I decided to attend a church that a friend told me about. The first visit was cool. I went a second time and thought, "Wow, this pastor is talking about me." For the next three weeks, I went to this house of God. One Sunday morning I cried and cried the entire service. Then a voice said, "Follow me. I love you. I have always loved you." I followed!  In March 2009, I decided to give my life to Christ. I will not tell you that life has been easy or that I have changed completely because I was and still am a work in progress. What I will tell you is this, it was not the church that helped me but what I have learned since attending church that has changed my life. Amongst many things, I have learned that prayer works. I've also learned to completely forgive all those who never knew how to love me and made my childhood painful. I have also taken responsibility for all that I have done wrong, and forgiven myself.

I was told that if I was going to walk this walk, there were people and things I would have to release from my life. This is when I realized I would have to leave my man of seventeen years, a relationship that lasted longer than most marriages. I thought my foundation would shatter. I was beyond afraid. I began to read and pray more and this scripture stood out, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). This scripture gave me peace and confidence to move forward.

Since then, God has sent me a wonderful husband that not only loves me, but loves The Lord as much as I do. He is a man that prays for me and with me and he encourages me.

I have been blessed and feel rewarded when I can be a blessing to others. It has been enjoyable and fulfilling to have the opportunity to share my testimony. I am honored.

Ladies, to all who may be reading, be encouraged and love YOU! Know that you are loved because your Father in Heaven would have it no other way. In 2012 I received my GED. I am looking forward to furthering my education and becoming all that God has called me to be. What has God called you to be?

Aisha

Trunk or Treat!

What's Wrong with Trick or Treating?

Yes, I know Halloween is over but I had to share my trunk or treat experience and my own personal revelation regarding trick or treating. A couple of years after my parents received Christ as Lord, my siblings and I were no longer allowed to go trick or treating. I was around 12 years old and was told that Halloween was Satan's day and a lot of bad things take place on that day. They explained as Christians we should not participate in this "dark" day because it does not glorify God. I understood and accepted it, but it was still really hard to watch other kids dressed up going door to door receiving candy. 

Those beliefs instilled in me have carried over into my parenting style. Instead of taking my kids trick or treating my husband and I take the kids to a Harvest Party at church. This is an alternative event (during the Halloween season) for kids to dress up in fun friendly costumes, play games and eat lots of candy. Harvest parties normally take place at church's or function halls. It's called a harvest party because October and November is the time of year farmers would reap their harvest. It's considered a time of blessing and acknowledges the Festival of Harvest (biblical feast) that God says we are to celebrate.

We weren't able to take our kids to the harvest party this year because we had other obligations. We received a flyer in the mail a few weeks back from a local church that was having Trunk or Treat on Oct. 31st.   The flyer stated there would be games, candy and a bouncy house.   We figured we would go and check this out. OK, I know you're like, "What is Trunk or Treat?” Well, it's when you trick or treat out of the trunk of a car! A slew of cars line up side by side in a parking lot, (in this case, the church parking lot) open their decorated trunks and hand out treats to candy obsessed children. 

Me and my clan pull up to the church and found a spot to park. My husband and I sat in the car starring at each other because we didn't bring bags for the kids. We're shaking our heads like great, what are the kids going to put their candy in? I said, "you don't have any bags in this truck?” He's like, "No!! should we go to Target and get some?"  I'm like No!! We jump out of the  truck and he starts searching his trunk for bags. He hands me these terrible Stop & Shop bags but they were better than nothing. Quickly he said gimme those bags back, here take these. I'm like what in the world!! He hands me two small sturdy tool bags lol!! Thank God! someone from the church yelled out while approaching us, "you guys need bags?” I practically screamed, Yesss!! as I tossed the tool bags back in the trunk. Cute little shopping bags with the church logo were given to us. 

As we made our way toward the cars everyone was friendly and the atmosphere, very festive. I liked the idea of decorated cars with candy in the trunk, it was different.  We strolled from one trunk to the next checking out the decorations and seeing how the candy was set up.  As we approached each trunk, I was a little baffled by some of the greetings and decorations.  Everyone kept saying "Trick or Treat!!” My kids didn't know how to respond. They stood there with blank stares on their little faces while holding their bags wide open (they knew how to do that, lol). I smiled and muttered, "mmhhmm" as to say trick or treat to you too. Why was I afraid to utter those three words? I didn't know what to say because I didn't expect that type of greeting at a church event. Because of what was planted in me from a young age, I was afraid to let go and give my children the freedom to say three silly words that will have no affect in them.
 
Ok, back to the story!  Someone had little skull heads hanging from their trunk which was kind of creepy. A few trunks had cobwebs and skeletons. One woman had cute pumpkins sitting on hay surrounded by those winter flowers called mums. Some man brought his caged chickens. I'm like really?? What does that have to do with anything lol!! Needless to say, I was a little disappointed in this Trunk or Treat event. It was open to the community and held outdoors but nothing really set this "church event" apart from what trick or treaters do on Halloween. We ended our time there by letting the kids play in the bouncy houses they had inside the church.  Check out the pics below:

This Halloween was a struggle for me for a couple of reasons. For one, my kids are older and wanted to go trick or treating. As a parent I want to make the best decisions for my kids. I explained to them in depth why we don't trick or treat and they had good logical come backs for everything I explained. Two, the trunk or treat event prompted me to question my reservations on trick or treating. That event was no different from going door to door and if those church folks didn't have a problem with it, then why did I? 

I decided to reach out to two mentors in my life to get their thoughts on Christian children going trick or treating.  Both reminded me that just about every holiday we celebrate has pagan roots. One of them used to take their children trick or treating when they were younger and taught them God's truth. The other one teaches God's truth but chooses not to participate in ANY holiday. I'm proud to say my kids know God's truth. Now, it's a matter of choice and my own personal convictions as to whether I will let them go trick or treating or not. Of course we will continue the tradition of attending harvest parties but I had to get to the bottom of this dilemma and set myself free lol! Look at this interesting passage of scripture nestled away in the book of Jeremiah:
 
"The Lord says, "Do not start following pagan religious practices.  Do not be in awe of signs that occur in the sky even though the nations hold them in awe. For the religion of these people is worthless. They cut down a tree in the forest, and a craftsman makes it into an idol with his tools. He decorates it with overlays of silver and gold.  He uses hammer and nails to fasten it together so that it will not fall over. Such idols are like scarecrows in a cucumber field. They cannot talk. They must be carried because they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them because they cannot hurt you. They do not have any power to help you" - Jeremiah 10:2-5 
 
This scripture is most likely referencing the Yule-tree aka the Christmas tree. God was commanding the Israelites not to copy people of the world in this ritual. Basically, people that did not believe in God worshipped this tree. It was an idol for them, it was their God. In our society today, we celebrate Jesus' birthday (although not born in December) with a Christmas tree and mimic the traditions this scripture talks about accept we don't worship the tree. For many of us the tree represents festivity, decor, and a place to store presents. It's rooted in paganism. I question as Christians why we pick and choose holidays to celebrate or participate in that are "deemed" to be better than the other, when none of it really matters or most of them have something historically kooky attached to it. We probably shouldn't participate in any non biblical holiday if we are going by our religious beliefs.

If we know and practice God's truth, we can't be affected by it. The only thing most kids are thinking about on halloween is GETTING CANDY!! One of my mentors said, Ty it's not that deep. Am I trying to justify a desire to let my kids enjoy the experience of trick or treating? Maybe lol! or maybe I'm trying to exercise my freedom in Christ without feeling fear of condemnation. Hmmmm.. Next year should be pretty interesting. What are your thoughts about this topic?

Blessings,
Tytenisha