Khima Bibbins - My Journey to Love and Marriage

My journey to marriage has been an interesting one. You see, I was not one of those women who had always dreamed of being someone’s wife.

Growing up with extremely limited resources, love and marriage were not high on my list of priorities. Instead, survival, having enough food to eat, and having a roof over my head were some of my priorities. When my parents divorced, it was extremely traumatic for us. We went from having everything we ever wanted, living on an army base with a wholesome family life, to living in the projects.

I didn’t know the details of the divorce, all I know is that my beautiful life had been snatched away overnight. As a child, I didn’t understand why daddy no longer lived with us, or why we had to leave our beautiful home, to come and live in a place where all we saw was struggle. We weren’t prepared for that, nor did we have the skills or experience to know how to survive in such a place. After that my life changed.

I had a hard time reconciling in my own heart and mind, how a man who said he loved us, could leave us in such horrible conditions. I loved my father, but I just didn’t understand. I went from being a straight a student to B’s and C’s in a matter of months. Life became something it had never been for me, it became hard. I saw many relationships, most of which were not healthy. I saw a lot of pain. As far as I was concerned, I wanted nothing to do with love. As I grew older, my mindset became “I don’t need love”.

In school, I was ostracized and teased. My teachers loved me, but it seemed as if my peers hated me. I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit in. Why was I the object of so much ridicule? My heart became cold. In order to cope in school, I became like those who were ridiculing me. A tougher me emerged.

In my junior year in high school, I met a guy who moved to my hometown from Washington DC. At that time, I had no interest in love. I was focused on getting my education. I was inexperienced, but not naive. My mindset was, no man is gonna “play” me. I was too smart for that. Nevertheless, this guy was persistent. He told me he wanted to get to know me. I was like “for what?” He wanted to spend time with me, I was like “what you want?” He wanted to give me things, I was like “what you want in return?” I did not trust men, at all, because of what I had seen. I had no time to be distracted with love.

He would show up all the time, while I was in the library or the computer lab, doing work. I would pay him no mind, but he would stay anyway. I didn’t understand why he kept showing up, because I was not nice or loving to him. He would always compliment me, and tell me how beautiful I was. I knew he was different from the rest, but I still didn’t trust him. I knew he wanted something from me, and in my mind, it was a matter of time until he got around to asking for what he really wanted. But he didn’t. He just kept showing up and loving on me.

I showed him the worst of me, and yet he still saw the best in me. He saw the beauty in a rose, full of thorns. I’m sure my rough edges cut him sometimes. I remember when he told me I would be his wife. We were kids. I laughed and told him he was crazy, that he didn’t know the first thing about love. But he did. He did know about love. He knew much more about it than I did. He knew love was selflessly giving of yourself, even when it is not returned. He knew it was about seeing the beauty, in some of the ugliest of situations.

Thirteen years later, I am still proud to be his wife. Who would have thought? Our marriage has not been a bed of roses, but we work together to tend our garden. He told me again today, one of the things that drew him to me, was my focus and determination.

The best advice I can give to a lady in waiting is don’t be afraid to wait. Focus on bettering yourself and accomplishing the things you want in life. You’re not going to miss, what and who is meant for you. Don’t rush. Be patient. It will come. He will come. Don’t settle. Don’t compromise. Don’t give too much, to someone who hasn’t proven themselves worthy or deserving of your love. The right one will not ask you to lower your standards instead, he will rise to meet, and even exceed them. Respect yourself, and you will command respect and love, from the man who is sent and meant to love you.

Khima Bibbins

Khima Bibbins is a proud wife of thirteen years, and mother to two beautiful children, Marcia and Malachi. She currently teaches middle school in the public school system and is passionate about pouring into the lives of young people. She is also a minister, psalmist, intercessor, and Christian entrepreneur. You may view and purchase some of her products at Khimas Kreations

Detaria Ferguson - Worth The Wait

"The Wait"

Waiting definition - to stay in a place until an expected event happens until someone arrives until it is your turn to do something.

After having gone through a divorce from a 5-year marriage, the concept of waiting was one I was open to receiving. I had gone through a restoration period where healing and forgiveness took its course. At the time, I had not even considered the fact that I would no longer be in a “coveted” marriage with sexual freedom. Having had freedom in my sex life with my previous husband, how could I just turn it off? During my separation, my focus was on allowing God to heal me from a relationship of over 7 years that broke me in places I never knew I needed breaking.

As I began this new journey with my then 2-year old son, I knew that if I ever desired to be married again the way God had desired, then I would not be able to do what I had previously done: NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.

I will admit I was not one who went into their marriage a virgin. My mother always stressed for me to wait, and not to give in to the sexual desires, but I just had to see for myself right? In doing so, I found out why waiting was important, the hard way. I experienced sexual soul ties, hurt feelings, false pregnancy tests, being cheated on, (which still happened in my first marriage), low self-esteem, insecurity, depression, and much more. Maybe waiting hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. I get it; it’s frustrating, your body is anxious, he’s perfect, but even the bible says to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6-7). Waiting will keep you from things and people that you never even knew you needed to be kept from. It sounds deep right? It is deep. Negative soul ties carry a heavy weight, and unless you’re delivered from them they will likely only carry into your marriage. A soul tie is a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together. Take a look at (Genesis 2:24). Are you willing to deal with ALL that comes with this person emotionally and spiritually? Yes, the sex might seem so enticing and so right in that moment, but the heartache and dysfunction aren't worth the pain if you’re not connected to the right one.

With my second husband, I learned to wait and God definitely made it worth the wait. I kept my focus on God and stayed in his word.  Accountability was also very important. We met each other through mutual friends in the church circle, and then years later I started attending a church that he was also attending.  Over time our friendship became something stronger. Once we started officially dating, we began a 21 day fast with our church. One of the things that I had asked God to reveal to me during the fast was to show me what our future looked liked concerning marriage and ministry together. In those 21 days of fasting and prayer, God revealed more than I could ever imagine; to the point of wanting to run away for fear of not living up to what God had shown me. Our marriage was going to be our ministry. They were not two separate entities. The scripture says “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires” (Psalm 37:4). Trust me, when you keep you focus on what God’s plans are, He will make sure to connect you with the person that will help bring His kingdom agenda forth.

During our courting, it was hard to not be intimate with him. As a matter of fact, he turned me down many times. My old self tried to creep back in and tell me that he wasn’t attracted to me, or that I was tainted because I had previous sexual partners. And that’s just what the enemy will tell you--lies! I am God’s daughter! How could He want the best for me, and have the man He has for me not want the same? I had never met any guy who was willing to wait for me. So, I knew this could be nothing but God. It allowed me to see my new husband in the spirit and not so much in the physical. I wanted God to have this union from the beginning because I knew doing it my way would not produce anything spiritually healthy. Waiting produces the things that God has ordained for you. The Father knows what you need before you even know that you need them. Keep your focus on God and He will take care of the rest.  Its work, but it’s tangible.

Detaria Ferguson