Detaria Ferguson - Worth The Wait

"The Wait"

Waiting definition - to stay in a place until an expected event happens until someone arrives until it is your turn to do something.

After having gone through a divorce from a 5-year marriage, the concept of waiting was one I was open to receiving. I had gone through a restoration period where healing and forgiveness took its course. At the time, I had not even considered the fact that I would no longer be in a “coveted” marriage with sexual freedom. Having had freedom in my sex life with my previous husband, how could I just turn it off? During my separation, my focus was on allowing God to heal me from a relationship of over 7 years that broke me in places I never knew I needed breaking.

As I began this new journey with my then 2-year old son, I knew that if I ever desired to be married again the way God had desired, then I would not be able to do what I had previously done: NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.

I will admit I was not one who went into their marriage a virgin. My mother always stressed for me to wait, and not to give in to the sexual desires, but I just had to see for myself right? In doing so, I found out why waiting was important, the hard way. I experienced sexual soul ties, hurt feelings, false pregnancy tests, being cheated on, (which still happened in my first marriage), low self-esteem, insecurity, depression, and much more. Maybe waiting hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. I get it; it’s frustrating, your body is anxious, he’s perfect, but even the bible says to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6-7). Waiting will keep you from things and people that you never even knew you needed to be kept from. It sounds deep right? It is deep. Negative soul ties carry a heavy weight, and unless you’re delivered from them they will likely only carry into your marriage. A soul tie is a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together. Take a look at (Genesis 2:24). Are you willing to deal with ALL that comes with this person emotionally and spiritually? Yes, the sex might seem so enticing and so right in that moment, but the heartache and dysfunction aren't worth the pain if you’re not connected to the right one.

With my second husband, I learned to wait and God definitely made it worth the wait. I kept my focus on God and stayed in his word.  Accountability was also very important. We met each other through mutual friends in the church circle, and then years later I started attending a church that he was also attending.  Over time our friendship became something stronger. Once we started officially dating, we began a 21 day fast with our church. One of the things that I had asked God to reveal to me during the fast was to show me what our future looked liked concerning marriage and ministry together. In those 21 days of fasting and prayer, God revealed more than I could ever imagine; to the point of wanting to run away for fear of not living up to what God had shown me. Our marriage was going to be our ministry. They were not two separate entities. The scripture says “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires” (Psalm 37:4). Trust me, when you keep you focus on what God’s plans are, He will make sure to connect you with the person that will help bring His kingdom agenda forth.

During our courting, it was hard to not be intimate with him. As a matter of fact, he turned me down many times. My old self tried to creep back in and tell me that he wasn’t attracted to me, or that I was tainted because I had previous sexual partners. And that’s just what the enemy will tell you--lies! I am God’s daughter! How could He want the best for me, and have the man He has for me not want the same? I had never met any guy who was willing to wait for me. So, I knew this could be nothing but God. It allowed me to see my new husband in the spirit and not so much in the physical. I wanted God to have this union from the beginning because I knew doing it my way would not produce anything spiritually healthy. Waiting produces the things that God has ordained for you. The Father knows what you need before you even know that you need them. Keep your focus on God and He will take care of the rest.  Its work, but it’s tangible.

Detaria Ferguson